Tips to Understanding Your Out of Control Teen

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You're ready to pull your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs! Your teenager is driving you crazy and you feel he or she is out of control. You, as the parent, may have lost, temporarily, the control of your teen. But once you begin to understand less confrontational ways to interact with your teen, you will start to see a better relationship between you and your teen.

Here are some tips to a better understanding and relationship with your out of control teen:

1. Confronted with annoying traits, it's best to develop tolerance, but also make it clear that acceptance does not mean approval;
2. Never, ever, emulate your teen's language or conduct. They deliberately adopt a lifestyle that is different from yours. Such emulation will drive your teen into opposition;
3. Every teenager has some imperfections about which he or she is overly sensitive. Be very careful not to reinforce them. Their peers will soon enough torment them with terms like shorty, geeky, fats or chicken. The insults cut deeper and last longer when they come from a parent. Even in jest, it is wiser not to tease your teen;
4. Teens crave independence and react to dependence with hostility. Smart parents make themselves increasingly dispensable to teenagers. The more self-sufficient teens are made to feel, the less hostile they will be towards their parents. When talking to your teen, emphasize phrases like-"Whatever you think...", "It's your decision...", "The choice is up to you...".
5. Don't hurry to correct facts. Parents who are always trying to prove how right they are irritate teens. When attitudes are hostile, facts are unconvincing;
6. Let them have their privacy. This demonstrates respect,
7. Don't preach or lecture. Never use reverse psychology or predictions like- "You'll never be able to hold a job unless you learn to get up on time",
8. Avoid confused or contradictory messages. It's better to state a clear prohibition-"Sorry, honey, that's out for tonight." Or a state a gracious permission or open choice-"You may go if you want," "Have a good time."

And finally, listen with sympathetic attention. Repeat the gist of what you hear, crystallizing what your teen may have said vaguely. State your own views honestly, without criticizing your teen or calling him or her names.

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