Who Really Is In Control?

Are you at wits end when trying to deal with a child who is out of control? The irony is, of course, that the child is not out of control. The child is in total control. What's happening, and more often to the mother, is that the child is out of the mother’s control. The desperation is: “Help, I’m not in control of my kids!” In situations like this, the issue at stake is, indeed, control. Who has the control? Who has the power? More often than not, it’s the kid. Why is that?

Unfortunately, there is not just one answer. However, it is important for parents to understand that children, paticularly teenagers, are in a developmental stage where they are experimenting with and learning about control and power. It is both necessary and important that they develop these attributes. Can you imagine an adolescent or young adult that has not learned how to have some control and power in life? That would not be healthy at all. But, if parents are not aware of this need of their child’s or if parents are not aware of how to handling this development, the kids can develop unbridled.

Responding to an out of control child can require a strategy. Like playing a game of chess, it may be necessary for the parent to anticipate what the child will do when they intervene. The parent may need to know ahead of time what to do for the next step--and the step after that. Parents need to be prepared with counter moves.


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